I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
