Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
