i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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