I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
