Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
