well you can't waste a boner
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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