at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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