he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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