honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
