If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
