I bet he comes in French.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He? As in you personified your dick?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
