i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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