Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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