I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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