We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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