I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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