Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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