it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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