I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize