I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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