I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
