I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
