WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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