We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
