I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
