we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
