i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You left your underwear on the fireplace
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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