Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
