Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
