He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
