i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We are two peas in an std pod
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
