I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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