my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
