yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
