Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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