So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
