And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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