How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We're too hungover to prance.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
