if you like me you must not know who I am
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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