My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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