My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize