Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
