No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
