oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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