Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize