You're my little dorito
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
