Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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