I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
