i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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