Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize