i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize