You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
