I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
