thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
