New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
