YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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