This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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