I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
